Stand Up To Cancer

(Be warned: May contain spoilers if you haven't yet experienced Mr. Nolan's social commentary on this epic disease.)

It's simple. In "The Dark Knight," the Joker refers to himself as "an agent of chaos." Guess what Cancer's self-proclaimed nickname is. Being a member of the SU2C web team, Cancer is unfortunately a co-worker of mine, which means I get to see him every day. It's not a party.

With Cancer hanging around the office all the time, I never get any work done. In "The Dark Knight," can you imagine if Lieutenant Gordon was constantly putting down his paperwork to deal with the Joker's interruptions? Like, "What is it this time, Joker?" I'm assuming the Joker always steals Gordon's pencils for mobster intimidation. I'm telling you, I've already lost count of the number of pencils Cancer has stolen since I started here.

When I went to see "The Dark Knight" with Cancer (he invited himself), he had embarrassingly dyed his hair green and had refused to shower for days. Also, he kept smacking his lips. I couldn't tell if it was the caramel corn or what, but it was irritating. I'll never see another movie with Cancer again. (Unless it's "Stepmom.")

Like Lieutenant Gordon, I'm pretty neurotic. I like to keep my files organized and my white-out plentiful. I bet he also uses a Post-It dispenser. But Cancer will just come right in, knock all my papers off the desk, and wreak havoc on my life's order and stability! Then he'll walk away giggling, like he just blew up Gotham General.

If we had the bat signal here at Stand Up To Cancer, I would totally use it so Batman would come and kick Cancer's butt. I guess the thing to do instead is to get you guys to donate to our website. I swear I'm not saying this as an insider. I'm saying this as a really disgruntled employee who wants to get rid of Cancer once and for all. I want my pencils back. Please help me get my pencils back. Donate now. (Not pencils. Money.)

--Mollie Lief, Cancer-Hater,SU2C.org